Of course you didn't mean any disrespect.

I made a mental note to myself a long time ago not to spill too many personal things onto my blog unless I could laugh about the experience. But I’m going to make an exception this one time because I think maybe someone can either take away from this or call me a tool.

About two years ago I had a falling out with my BFF (at the time.) It was kind of nasty drama for being adults with kids in high school and over those two years any talk between us consisted of her trying to convince me that I was gossiping about her. As if I had the time or the interest. The true fact is that this woman has slandered me to those I knew and those I didn’t know. So, I started to ignore her, her new friends and even when mutual friends started to fade away from me, I chose to let it go.

If she ever saw me out, and she was out every time I was out, we would not make eye contact but should it happen we’d nod hello. She has told my friends recently that what happened between us spun out of control and she wished it hadn’t happened. Not only did she not tell me that, she had yet to speak one word to me other than trying to re-hash her conspiracy theory about what I was saying about her.

Before I continue, I have to interject one small piece of information that will make sense later – I hope. My daughter was close to this woman (and she is a grown woman) when she and I were still friends. When things were no longer kosher, I never explained it to my daughter other than it was an issue that we would eventually fix. She was banking on that and would periodically ask me about it. What could I say? I started sounding like one of those women trying to explain why daddy doesn’t come visit anymore.

Cut to two years later and just a few hours earlier to Huske Hardware House. Me, my daughter and my friend, Mamasita, and her family are all enjoying a get-together. In walks the ex-BFF with her crew. Walks right by the table and doesn’t say anything. About a half hour later, she walks by again. Still doesn’t say anything. Her boyfriend, who was a guy I had thought I was dating (it’s all subjective) last year but he turned out to be married and dating another woman, comes by the table to talk to one of the guys sitting with us. I’m too cool that he didn’t try to say hi. That could have been awkward for him. But to his credit, and hers, they look great together. Like the Marlboro Man and his Woman.

Anyway, I got up to go say bye to a few people I knew and as I made my way back, Mamasita intercepted me. She told me a blonde lady took my daughter outside. I already knew who it was and yeah, it pissed me off. Before I continue, I want to be clear that my daughter walked out with this woman on her own based on how she remembers the past. I don’t doubt the affection she has for my girl even if she spits vinegar when it comes to me. As I walked outside to get my daughter, I started feeling sick to my stomach. I wrapped up their conversation and herded my daughter towards the rest of the dinner party … but then went back outside to speak with this woman who used to be like a sister to me. The feeling in the pit of my tummy was overwhelming.

I told her that until she could speak to me and make things right with me, she was not to encourage conversation with my daughter. At least that’s what I thought it sounded like, but I’m sure it came out as more of a stuttering fragmented sentence because I was welling with an extreme emotion I couldn’t put my finger on. Whatever it was, it was hindering my speech and taking over my rational thought. So when she asked me what was she supposed to do, “ignore her?,” I couldn’t put my words together to explain it. I looked like a tool when I walked away.

Leave it to my emoti-guru Mamasita to put her finger on it: I was angry. This woman had no right past saying a polite hello to my girl (after all, my daughter is 12) when you consider she can’t even say two words to me in passing. When my daughter was following her out, the responsible, grown-up thing to do would have been to tell her to wait for me, her mom, before coming outside. Because she knows that things aren’t right between us and that I would be upset. That’s respect.

I want to believe that this woman who knew me so well, and was also a mother, just didn’t realize that she was breaking etiquette. But that would be like saying she just wasn’t thinking and guys don’t think. I’d be calling her a guy and, in essence, calling her stupid – she’s far from stupid. What I didn’t want to think was that she knew it would get to me and she allowed it to happen on purpose.

The ride home with my daughter was tense. I got blamed for not making things right – again. My feelings were hurt that a nice night with my daughter was now sucking pretty badly. Then I broke down and explained to her in as few words as I could why a friendship wasn’t going to happen again between mommy and her ex-BFF and why I thought it best if she kept conversations with her to a minimum. It was a hard talk to have with my kid because I’m supposed to be the adult and be way past this kind of drama. I basically said it was like the movie ‘Bring It On’ and that we won’t make it to the end where we all do the cheer-off and then reluctantly become friends again. Because neither of us cheer anymore.

What probably upset me the most was realizing that, for the first time in my life, I disliked someone from the pit of my core that I used to love with all my heart to the point that what she did made me angry; and that perhaps it was done purposefully. Maybe I’m wrong in all of this, but I feel strongly about it, so on some level I know I have to be justified. But I didn’t back down or apologize for what I said and I won’t.

By the way: this was in no way written to slight this woman – just to share the experience and maybe get some feedback. As far as I know, she is a good person to those she feels are deserving, she’s a good mom and is also a quick study in photography. What happened tonight was so far out of character for even her that it bothered me, mostly cause it concerns my daughter.