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| Actual post from said Facebook friend who shall not be named to protect her privacy, but it starts and ends with an A. |
A few days ago, I hopped on Facebook and saw a friend had posted this status update:
“Ladies: If he is married or has a girlfriend, he is OFF LIMITS! In 2018, don’t text or flirt with a man who is already taken.”First of all, I don’t care what year it is, don’t go after someone else’s relationship. If God had wanted you to have it, you wouldn’t have to take it from someone else.
Anyway, I agreed with the post but pointed out that it’s not
just about the other girl:
The taken or married guy should probably step up and respect his relationship by telling these single ladies who contact him (or maybe they aren’t single either …) that he’s taken and then discourage future communication/conversation. Because if we have to be honest, the kind of girls that will text/call/ sext men who are married or in a relationship, generally don’t stop because a guy says no.
They just step up to the challenge.
Because then it becomes a game: How To Get Someone Else’s Guy In 10 Days (give or take).
A while back, a guy I was dating would get text messages from his ex(es). He said they would randomly text or try to call, but he never text or called them back. He didn’t hide it; it was matter of fact. But that didn’t make me any less curious about why these girls (a few of them married and in relationships themselves) felt the need to contact him or why, if my boyfriend didn’t want to hear from them, didn’t he tell them he was taken or just block their numbers?
Then I had this epiphany: I had also received texts and FB messages from exes at times. These were guys that 'did me dirty.’ Most were messages apologizing for being a douchebag, followed by feelers for a ‘re-do’ or even a booty call in case I was single and lonely. At first, I told them I was in a relationship and wasn’t interested. But they persisted to the point that I just stopped responding. But I didn’t block them right away.
Because - being totally honest - it felt good to tell these guys I once liked and wanted to be with, that I had moved on. It felt good to see (read) them persisting in the same way I kept trying to make a ‘relationship’ with them work when we were together.
And it felt fan-freakin-tastic to tell them NO and then ignore their subsequent messages - and send screens to my BFF so we can gloat (I deserve that much). I felt like they finally knew what it was like to be in my shoes – wanting to be with or talk to someone they couldn’t have and had no interest in them.
It was a boost to my confidence to know they still thought about me - in any capacity.
Until one day, I had another epiphany: I didn’t care about those messages or what those guys thought of me as much as I cared about the guy I was dating. I blocked all the numbers and deleted every message string and voicemail … and moved on. Because in entertaining my exes, I had left a door open to the past that part of me continued to live in with every text. So those memories, feelings and emotions were always there – anger, sadness, resentment but mostly pettiness – which kept me from fully committing to the relationship I was in at that time.
Letting go was liberating and scary at the same time. Because at that point, I had truly moved on with my life and knew I no longer had the option to call on my past for anything going forward. I mean, I could still refer to it … but those feelings and emotions were no longer a crutch.
What I’m trying to say is that I can understand how it feels to get that affirmation so long after getting dumped/cheated on (even well into a new, successful relationship) that I am able to tolerate it with a significant other – for a limited amount of time, that is … When it happens repeatedly, it becomes an issue.
Because those triflin’ b****es are not texting their exes without reason or motive.
- They still have feelings
- They heard or stalked social media and see he has someone new
- They want to re-open the connection
- They can’t let go
- They are whores
Even exes who are in relationships or are married can’t let
go sometimes. But unless they share kids, there’s really no reason to
keep in touch with an ex.
And single girls who text guys whom they know are taken or
are married?
- Because that guy shows he’s willing to commit – never mind that they are trying to get that guy who is already committed to break it off, which would only serve to prove how shallow that commitment is in the face of temptation.
- He's been vetted – someone married him, so he must be a great guy. It’s like that saying, “All the good ones are taken …” and then set out to take him.
- Because they can
Why don’t guys put a clean stop to it right away?
Ladies, listen:
Dudes, check it:
Just know that I have not one shred of patience for this behavior
and – in the words of my 20 year old daughter – will come for someone’s life if
they try to take something important from mine.
- They like the attention
- Ego boost
- If it’s an ex: Residual feelings about how the relationship ended. If they were cheated on, or dumped harshly, this is like validation.
Ladies, listen:
- Going after someone else’s guy is not a challenge, it reeks of desperation and wanting someone else’s sloppy seconds. He didn’t choose you first. Remember that.
- If he will leave a committed relationship for you, that means there is potential for him to leave you for someone else.
- The grass is green where you water it.
- Respect your relationship or break it off first.
- Do you really need to hear from your exes if you don’t have kids together?
- Needing attention from more than your significant other is weak and a sign of low self-esteem and it's not attractive - to anyone.
But THAT said, I also can't make someone want to stay with me if they decide to take an ex or a single lady up on the business. I'll cut them out .... because karma says they'll be hitting me up again real soon after with their regrets. *shrugs*
