I may boycott my next birthday and be #forever40 |
I turned 40
last year. It was dramatic. There’s a blog, a few drunk texts and one fairly
accusatory message left on my parent’s answering machine (yes, they still have
one) in my refusal to accept being out of my thirties.
To be
honest, I wasn’t even drunk. Further, I have no idea why I was so adamant about
there being a slight discrepancy of at least five years on my birth certificate
- which would make me really 35 years
old.
I was not
ready to turn forty.
But I’ve since
calmed down and decided to give being 40 a go; mostly because I don’t really
have a choice.
A lot of
things happened on my way to 40, not the least of which is accepting the fact
that I’m not in my 30s anymore. Some things are pretty awesome … and then there
are things that kinda freak me out. But on the whole, it’s really not a bad
place to be, age-wise. And, as it turns out, 40 isn’t really any different than
being thirty … nine.
In honor of finally
accepting the fact that I’m midway through the first year of a new decade, I’ve
made a list of things that happened on my way to 40:
1. I have successfully raised a pretty
awesome kid.
2. Looking at old pictures of me and
thinking, Wow, what was I complaining
about? I looked great!
3. Getting dolled up to go out on the
weekend is too much work now.
4. I remember a time before computers
and cellular phones and constantly bring it up - on my Twitter and Facebook feeds.
5. That one time I tried to explain to a
23 year old who The Jeffersons were…
6. I started to refer to the under
30-somethings as kids.
And yet they still try to identify with my generation USING THE INTERNET. |
7. I know what I want and try not to
waste time.
8. Slowly admitting that I need to
exercise and eat right because it’s the only way I’m going to maintain a
healthy body.
9. What metabolism?
10. CrossFitting
my way to a more bad ass me.
11. My
back hurts.
12. And
my shoulders.
13. Actually,
everything hurts.
14. I’ve learned to accept people’s flaws.
15. More
importantly, I’ve accepted my own.
16. I
pay my own bills.
17. Sex
gets better – so I’ve heard.
18. I
can enjoy being single even if I’d rather not be.
19. Being
attracted to men my age and realizing they are more attracted to women half my
age.
20. I
can handle being rejected and dumped with class. And a blog post. But mostly
class. A classy blog post?
21. Ignoring
my ex(es) is a lot easier than it used to be.
22. I
developed more confidence and self-awareness.
23. I
stopped caring what people think.
24. I
no longer try to be everything to everyone.
25. I
have a one-piece bathing suit now. Okay, I have three.
26. I
have worn Spanx under my workout gear before. It gets really hot.
27. I’ve
started to silently petition for ‘mom jeans’ to make a come-back. The mid- to
low-rise ones are very unforgiving for curvy girls like me.
28. My
‘going out’ clothes have been replaced with a classier, age-appropriate
wardrobe. Mostly.
29. I
have to take vitamins now. Because I’m in the osteoporosis age bracket.
30. I
can cook more than one good meal that doesn’t come out of a box or in a
microwave.
31. There
is increasingly less time between root coverage.
32. I
am in constant fear of early on-set menopause.
33. Leaving
the house without make-up happens more often than it should. And it never
fails, I will see someone I know or WalMart will be full of hot guys that day.
Really, Internet?!Cougars don't even have spots or stripes! |
34. I
forget things all the time, like remembering what I’m trying not to forget.
35. I
went from being described as a ‘MILF’ to a ‘cougar.’ Really? Being called a
‘cougar’ is like being called a ‘sexy cat lady’… that’s more of an oxymoron
than a compliment.
36. I
found the strength to let go of people and situations that are toxic.
37. I’m
older than most of my friends. I might be the oldest.
38. I
find myself telling stories about my experiences and realizing I’ve lived a lot
more of life than I had thought.
39. Every
time I tell someone how old I am, they feign disbelief, subtract ten years off
the number and I love them for it. Because I don’t feel forty.
40. I’ve finally started to admit my parents were
pretty much right about a lot of things. And I’m hoping my daughter listens to
me more than I listened to them.