I may have just been offended as a Single Mom

Really? Because if I was just single, I wouldn't have to worry about taking

care of anyone but myself ... Ignorant twats ...

I’ve had enough of the Internet and judgmental people trying to redefine the status of everyone on the planet to suit their ideals. For the most part, I don’t respond to it because I remember a time before the Internet and know what it’s like to be an independent thinker.

No one tells me who to vote for, that I can’t respect U.S. history because it offends some people, and who I should like, dislike or condemn based on a majority of the World Wide Web’s biased opinion. I like what I like, I am who I am – and if there is anyone out there who doesn’t like it, they can kiss my big, American-of-Italian-descent’s ass.  (Apparently, it’s no longer okay to say Italian-American and yes this is sarcasm.)

The latest struck a nerve with me as a parent – a single parent. It’s a meme that was re-posted stating that if an unmarried parent receives financial or parental aid raising a child or children, they are not a ‘single parent,’ they are just single. Like, they totally took the parent part out of that equation. How offensive this is to someone like me – a parent who is single – to have their parental status undermined and redefined? And all because someone(s) decided they were more of a single mom or dad because of their situation – like not getting child support or having a co-parent so they get breaks every other weekend.

For the record, I don’t receive child support and I don’t consider the time my daughter is with her dad a ‘break.’ Parents don’t get breaks. We are always moms and dads. Once we have kids, we aren’t just ‘single’ people because our lives are not our own anymore – we live for our kids. Everything we do revolves around them – from our personal to our professional lives.

To the parents who do it all without any help or positive influence from the other parent, kudos for being so strong and independent. All the moms and dads who co-parent like the perfect, divorced (or just not together) sitcom family, that’s equally as amazing – in fact, it’s ideal.  But one situation does not make anyone a better candidate for being able to call themselves a  parent over the other. Even in situations where the co-parenting isn’t amicable or evenly split.

I AM NOT JUST SINGLE. I AM A PARENT. 

Also, calling someone a parent who is single is the same as calling them a single parent. Wanting to differentiate between someone who does it alone and someone who gets ‘help,’ is just a cry for attention and validation by one person for doing the work of two parents. While it is admirable, parenting is not something you do for recognition, you do it because you’re a f***ing parent. Which, coincidentally, is the reason all of us parents do it.

Seriously, how in the actual f*** does anyone decide what another’s parental status is based on things that are none of their business?

To be sure, this wasn’t a personal attack against me. It’s something that came across my newsfeed  – a place I frequent less and less these days as it reminds me how out of touch and impersonal life/lives have become with the Internet.  

It also reminds me how much easier it has become for people to assert (bully) – sometimes violently – their beliefs and ideals on everyone else. How common it is to pass judgment, or call out a cause because it seems more noteworthy over another … how controlling the Internet has become; and by Internet, I mean the people. With the click of a button, anything can go viral, affecting people’s personal lives, jobs, thoughts and emotions, as well as ending lives – literally. Everyone wants to tell everyone else how and what to think … 

It’s not a safe place and I hope that one day, people will get bored with life online and trying to control the planet through Facebook and Tumblr, so I can go back to enjoying funny animal videos and watch food being made without feeling anxious about what superficial, judgy message is going to cross my feed. Until then:

Dear Internet,

I need you to stay out of my life, mind your business and take care of yourself. Don’t tell me, my kid or my family and friends what and how to think with your own narrow-minded, selfishly judgmental views. While you’re busy judging, shaming and accusing, you’re missing out on the chance to better enrich your life with some real world knowledge and compassion. You can’t tell me I’m not a parent because I have an ex-husband who is a positive influence in our daughter’s life any more than I can say you’re an asshole for thinking the only single people with children allowed to call themselves parents are the ones who have deadbeat baby daddies. Learn that redefining someone else’s situation won’t make yours any better; however, it does reflect the kind of person you are on the inside – bitter. Posting memes and quotes to define your own life are welcome. Don’t assume to define my or anyone else’s life in a meme or status to make yours seem more valid.

Sincerely,

A Single Mom 

And here is one calling out the Single Mom. The Internet is full of these things. WTH. 

When Fat Isn't Just Fat: How Candida Stole Two and a Half Years of My Life

So, it’s Transformation ... um ... whatever day I decide to post this … ! I mean, does it really matter what day it is? Especially when I'm this excited about over-sharing?!

Ignore the hair - a size SEVEN!!! No
filter, no photoshop. 

This morning, I was able to fit into an old pair of size 7 jeans – WITHOUT SPANX. This is a huge deal for me because I haven’t been able to pull them up over my thighs in what feels like forever. It wasn’t literally forever, it just felt like it ... figuratively ... 

A little over two years ago, I gained 45 lbs in seven months. Before anyone stalks my social media to point out the cupcakes and donuts I posted on my profile as being the culprit, I have a small confession; I may not have actually consumed as many of those things as I wanted everyone to believe – and certainly not as time went on and I gained more weight. But it all looked awesome on my Instagram!! (hahaha .. haha ..ha .. ahem … ) The food. Not the cupcakes.

Look at dat booty!! That's 150lbs. On IG
that's a model's 9 month prego pic. I
would go on to gain 10 more lbs. 

Honestly, I just thought I was getting fat and acted accordingly: I got on that big booty train, being proud of my curves, posting it on social media as proof of being body positive – when that wasn’t even the case. It’s hard to be body positive when in real life I looked less like Kim K and more like a garden gnome. Don’t get me wrong – my ass looked great and I can work those angles with a phone cam and Photoshop … but I didn’t feel great. 

I tried everything to lose the weight, too: I was already at the gym 4-5 days a week at the time, so I started cutting out most carbs, tried the Whole Life Challenge diet and cut out sugar, and even supplemented with diet pills and natural remedies. While I didn’t gain much more weight, I didn’t lose any either; and it was all concentrated on my belly, back and upper thighs. And as if it couldn’t get any worse, over the next several months the weight gain was compounded by a host of other symptoms:

Chronic severe fatigue
Digestive issues, mainly constipation
Super heavy and painful periods
Hair loss (My brows – haven’t had to shape them for 2 years)
Loss of periods (I didn’t actually mind or miss them, to be honest)
Amplified allergies, dry mouth, dry skin
Thyroid dysfunction (and related effects)
Brain fog, lack of focus, ADHD
Itching all over my body
Sweat that had a weird, sweet smell to it
Depression (over my weight)
Mood swings and irritability
Intense cravings for sugar and carbs (challenging)
Severe bloating and gas (my stomach looked pregnant)
No interest in boys and related “activities”
Pretty much no interest in life (except to still be alive)

I tried everything to feel better. 

My self esteem plummeted along with my ability to be effective in the gym, at work, at home and even in my personal life for over two years. I couldn’t look at myself in a mirror because I didn’t know that person. It was devastating and debilitating at the same time.

Doctors suggested it was everything from my thyroid to depression; and vitamin deficiency to premenopause. I was prescribed different meds including diabetic injections and hormones. When none of that business worked, my PA decided I was just fat; and when I mentioned my fitness and diet regimen, she accused me of doing something wrong and handed me a 1980s diet recommendation handout.

Doc, please. I’m kind of like the Queen of Dieting and Losing Weight with at least 25 years experience in willpower and holding out when it comes to food. Seriously, when I can take up anorexia again and STILL not lose a single pound, that means something is wrong that’s out of my control. Because I can say NO to a cupcake - and every other food group. 

I couldn’t accept that I was just fat anymore. I made one more pass on Google because I was ready to give up and quit the gym. Why work so hard to go backwards and not see results – especially when I could barely function?

Lo and behold, though, Google had an answer; but I wasn’t prepared for how serious my condition was or the treatment that would follow.

So, there I was, on a Tuesday, at the doc’s office, staring in disbelief and mild anxiety at a small sample cup given to me by my PA with the instructions: “Don’t fill it up” and “I’ll be here all week.”

I was to produce a stool sample at home and bring it back for lab testing.

Oh. Yes. I. Did. 

Despite reservations about my ability (logistics/flexibility) to make this happen, I found out that 1) my body can twist and stretch better than a Yogi’s when needed; 2) I have really great control over my  muscles “down there”; 3) cupcake themed gift bags are perfect for dropping off “samples” to your physician – incognito; and 4) I found out, two weeks later, that I had a ridiculous amount of bad bacteria and poor markers for digestion and absorption in my intestines. I had/have a Candida overgrowth.

Candida overgrowth is when a type of yeast called Candida albicans grows out of control and ends up over populating in your body. There’s a deeper medical definition and explanation of this, but, well, here’s a link.

If left unchecked (like mine for over two years), the yeast can perforate the intestines and leak toxins into the blood stream (leaky gut syndrome), which is what was starting to happen. 

And the treatment isn’t just a pill you take for a few weeks and then you’re better. Although I was prescribed an anti fungal to help me along, I will spend several months or longer taking natural anti fungals and being on a low to no sugar, no carbs/starches eating plan.  

As much as that hurt the feelings in my soul to hear, my health is more important than enjoying my food – or my life, because basically food is life. I adopted the FODMAP plan, with modifications to make sure I wasn’t taking in any sugar at all in the beginning – even from fruits and vegetables.

I started cleaning out before I
thought to write this blog, but
this group times 2. 

In the first two weeks of diligently sticking to my treatment, I lost 15lbs. It was fairly easy to let go of sugar and carbs. The hardest thing to give up was coffee – probably because it was mostly cream and sugar in my Folgers cup. It was really the only sugar I would have most days.

Eventually, the bloating and gas disappeared and the brain fog cleared up. After six weeks, most of my other symptoms have started to fade along with shedding more weight, but not as dramatic. It’s been harder to fitness because while I’m not overly fatigued, I am not consuming enough of anything right now to give me energy to last an entire workout.  As I heal, I’ll see a doctor and a dietitian to be sure I'm healing and to figure out if I can ever add cupcakes and doughnuts back into my life. Ever. Or even just eat normal. 

My kitchen looks less like a pharmacy/vitamin shop these days – you will only find a few supplements like Maca, MCT Oil, Black CuminSeed Oil (no jokes please) and Pau D’Arco tea, which are now permanent staples in my diet, along with vitamin D and a Probiotic.

When I started out on this journey, admittedly, it was vanity driven - I was fat. But the longer it went on and the worse I felt, and the more WebMD stressed me out about several possible outcomes – including death – I started worrying for the right reasons. My goal is not to be skinny, even though it was pretty nice to fit back into one pair of my size seven jeans. I just want to be healthy enough to stick around this earth for a while and see my kid do amazing things with her life. And possibly enjoy food without worrying about how it will affect my digestive system. Maybe get a boyfriend. That kind of thing. 

Disclaimer: I’m not a doctor or a dietitian. If you read this and identify, talk to your physician about your concerns and follow their advice. If you’re getting nowhere with your physician, find a new one.I found most doctors are content to treat the symptoms than look for a cause after anything serious is ruled out. Also, I don't endorse any of the products I use for anyone else's use but my own.  

Symptom checker chart.