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| And by no fat girl, I mean ME. |
Note: I revised this after a series of newsfeed reposts about the obesity epidemic, and the consensus that people are 'glorifying obesity.' And also Cheryl Tiegs' comment about the curvy chick on the cover of Sports Illustrated. I'm eating apple wedges while staring longingly at a Nutty Buddy.
I'm not happy being fat; I'm not happy being skinny.
Maybe that just means I'm hard to please?
I'm not happy being fat; I'm not happy being skinny.
Maybe that just means I'm hard to please?
I just read an article written by a woman who says being fat
makes her happy.
Maybe I don't believe her. Being fat never made me happy. Then again, neither did being skinny. Because at either size, I had one thought - obsession really - that would stress me to the point that I could not focus on things that mattered - like living life and being myself: my weight.
1) Fat Dawn: Omg, I have to lose weight. If I eat anything, I'm just thwarting my own efforts at losing weight. Is oatmeal a bad carb? Poptarts are def bad carbs. Wine? Can I have wine? Oh no, it's been a month, I haven't lost weight. But, I didn't gain weight. At least my boobs look nice. Should I be working out more than once a day? God, I'm so hungry. Oooh, food cart article? How can I write an article about food when I CAN'T EAT IT?! I just want to not worry about my weight. What is so good about being thin, anyway? Skinny jeans ... oh yeah. Sigh. I'm so hungry. And I'm fat.
2) Fit/thin Dawn: Skinny jeans, yaaaas! Why do my legs look like malnourished drumsticks? Am I too fit? Where are my boobs? My face looks tired. Dinner with work peeps? Yeah, if I eat anything from there, I'm definitely going to gain 5 lbs before I leave. How much extra time in the gym for a plate of fries? Forget it, I'll just stay home. No, I'll go, then spend two days in the gym. How many calories/carbs/fat are in a portion of plain tuna? Yuk, I'm so tired of chicken and tuna. Do I look older? Why is my face so thin? Can someone tell me where my boobs went? I'm so hungry. I don't want to be fat.
I have body dysmorphia. I obsess over my weight at any size. When I see people body shaming on the Internet, telling everyone they need to lose weight, look a certain way, that obesity is an epidemic it translates to: you can't be successful or confident if you aren't fit and healthy. It really disappoints me.
Like, you think fat people don't know they're fat - and you think that being fat is failing at life.
Yes, obesity is an epidemic. Yes, people should want to be fit and healthy. But, it's WRONG to shame people for not being what you want for them. It's their body, their life. Everyone knows how to lose weight and get healthy. You can't make them do anything they aren't ready to do for themselves. All you can do is prop the door open and welcome them if they decide to go the fit route. Instead, I see pics and video pop up on my newsfeed shaming fat people who make it to the gym because they are on the treadmill or using a machine wrong.
We should be encouraging and helping people, not looking to be the author of the next viral gym-fail video.
And we shouldn't try to validate being mean by making 'legit' reasons like: fat people will drive the cost of insurance up when they develop diabetes and heart disease and have to seek medical care. Sure, they chose to be fat and brought it on themselves, but so do smokers who develop lung cancer ... and maybe give someone else second hand smoke lung cancer. That's like murder-suicide if they both die. We all know the risks of smoking, being fat, un-protected sex - yet we all do it anyway. So, that argument is invalid, don't ever let me see that again.
No one is glorifying fatness. They are encouraging people of any size to be confident and follow their dreams and never give up on being a success - that size doesn't matter.
Because if it did, honestly, I would not have dated half the men I did. (JK. Sorry mom and dad.) I digress.
But it matters enough that the woman I mentioned in the beginning felt the need to justify choosing to not worry about her weight.
She backed up her statement with the fact that when she was fit and thin, her life was all about obsessing over her body and counting calories - much like I did. She was miserably hungry yet still never satisfied with her body image. It drained the life out of her and now, many years and several kids later, she’s happier being heavier. And truly, she’s smiling in all her photos and she looks happy – yet when she describes her family portrait and points to which one she might be, she says she’s the one that “looks like a mother.”
Maybe I don't believe her. Being fat never made me happy. Then again, neither did being skinny. Because at either size, I had one thought - obsession really - that would stress me to the point that I could not focus on things that mattered - like living life and being myself: my weight.
1) Fat Dawn: Omg, I have to lose weight. If I eat anything, I'm just thwarting my own efforts at losing weight. Is oatmeal a bad carb? Poptarts are def bad carbs. Wine? Can I have wine? Oh no, it's been a month, I haven't lost weight. But, I didn't gain weight. At least my boobs look nice. Should I be working out more than once a day? God, I'm so hungry. Oooh, food cart article? How can I write an article about food when I CAN'T EAT IT?! I just want to not worry about my weight. What is so good about being thin, anyway? Skinny jeans ... oh yeah. Sigh. I'm so hungry. And I'm fat.
2) Fit/thin Dawn: Skinny jeans, yaaaas! Why do my legs look like malnourished drumsticks? Am I too fit? Where are my boobs? My face looks tired. Dinner with work peeps? Yeah, if I eat anything from there, I'm definitely going to gain 5 lbs before I leave. How much extra time in the gym for a plate of fries? Forget it, I'll just stay home. No, I'll go, then spend two days in the gym. How many calories/carbs/fat are in a portion of plain tuna? Yuk, I'm so tired of chicken and tuna. Do I look older? Why is my face so thin? Can someone tell me where my boobs went? I'm so hungry. I don't want to be fat.
I have body dysmorphia. I obsess over my weight at any size. When I see people body shaming on the Internet, telling everyone they need to lose weight, look a certain way, that obesity is an epidemic it translates to: you can't be successful or confident if you aren't fit and healthy. It really disappoints me.
Like, you think fat people don't know they're fat - and you think that being fat is failing at life.
Yes, obesity is an epidemic. Yes, people should want to be fit and healthy. But, it's WRONG to shame people for not being what you want for them. It's their body, their life. Everyone knows how to lose weight and get healthy. You can't make them do anything they aren't ready to do for themselves. All you can do is prop the door open and welcome them if they decide to go the fit route. Instead, I see pics and video pop up on my newsfeed shaming fat people who make it to the gym because they are on the treadmill or using a machine wrong.
We should be encouraging and helping people, not looking to be the author of the next viral gym-fail video.
And we shouldn't try to validate being mean by making 'legit' reasons like: fat people will drive the cost of insurance up when they develop diabetes and heart disease and have to seek medical care. Sure, they chose to be fat and brought it on themselves, but so do smokers who develop lung cancer ... and maybe give someone else second hand smoke lung cancer. That's like murder-suicide if they both die. We all know the risks of smoking, being fat, un-protected sex - yet we all do it anyway. So, that argument is invalid, don't ever let me see that again.
No one is glorifying fatness. They are encouraging people of any size to be confident and follow their dreams and never give up on being a success - that size doesn't matter.
Because if it did, honestly, I would not have dated half the men I did. (JK. Sorry mom and dad.) I digress.
But it matters enough that the woman I mentioned in the beginning felt the need to justify choosing to not worry about her weight.
She backed up her statement with the fact that when she was fit and thin, her life was all about obsessing over her body and counting calories - much like I did. She was miserably hungry yet still never satisfied with her body image. It drained the life out of her and now, many years and several kids later, she’s happier being heavier. And truly, she’s smiling in all her photos and she looks happy – yet when she describes her family portrait and points to which one she might be, she says she’s the one that “looks like a mother.”
Wait. What? Hold up. What exactly is a mother supposed to look like? Like she's had a few kids and is still carrying the residual weight around?
I didn't understand it before, but I get it now.
I didn't understand it before, but I get it now.
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| Circa 2011. Yes that's an iPhone 3G. 100# |
About five years ago, I was fit and thin and I wasn’t happy. No, I didn’t think I was fat, but I also didn't think I was thin enough. I was hangry and miserable, counting every calorie I put into my body, running about 30 miles a week
and working out at the CrossFit gym three times a day at least six days a week.
Why?
Because: skinny jeans – I wanted to wear them. I wanted to
wear a bikini to the pool and have a thigh gap, not turkey legs. I wanted my
boyfriend at the time to think I looked great, (although later on I would find
out he liked “thicky-thick” girls). Hell, I wanted anyone that saw me to think
I looked great. My motivation to be fit and thin was to not be part of an epidemic of 'new fatness.' And because I'm vain.
Don’t act like none of y’all are vain. We all are to a
degree - social media proves it and I’m just willing to admit it because at my age I can’t trust my memory
enough to remember what lie I told and to whom. And selfies - I take a lot of them. Again, I digress.
I obsessed over food. I used the gym as punishment to make up for my momentary lack of
willpower. Eventually, I decided I hated the gym. It wasn’t fun, it was a
chore. And because I saw it like that, I
put it on my list of things to procrastinate on.
There are a lot of things on that list, by the way.
There are a lot of things on that list, by the way.
So, I went from a size 5 to a size 7 and got on board with
celebrating the plus-size figure. The big booty gal. Having that bass. Being
about 'dat ass.' Juicy Booty Judy.
Yep, I considered myself a plus-size gal at a size 7 ... and I didn’t
stop there … I put on more weight. All I had to do was look at food and *poof* my weight increased. I started telling people I was bulking.
It wasn't exactly a lie ... I WAS ...it just wasn't intentional. And it was happening fast, even though I wasn't eating more or exercising any less. Turns out there are several legit medical reasons for fast weight gain and the inability to lose it and I have one of those.
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| Capped at 160# - eating clean and CrossFit 5 days/week Where I was about 6 months ago. |
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| 153# after figuring out the medical issue and compensating with meds/supps. |
and live an even healthier lifestyle. I’m sure it has a lot to do with my BDD, but also to do with the fact that I am now in the double digit size and it's freaking me out as well as fat-shamers on the Internet filling my newsfeed with negativity. I KNOW I'M FAT. Thank you for reminding me every single day.
Articles and comments shaming people for their bodies is wrong. You can judge me for my weight, you can call me fat, I'm okay with it. But don't tell me I can't reach for my goals or be proud when I achieve them because I'm fat. And don't tell me that instilling a sense of confidence and success in someone who is fat is glorifying obesity.
You're telling people they are not defined by their level of fatness, and yet you judge them for it, which is
basically defining them as obese and unhealthy and therefore should not be recognized for their success.
If you are tired of seeing articles about 'fat glorification' and the 'dad bod,' stop shaming for it; because all these articles 'happen' to justify and prove that your size doesn't define who you are as a person. Anyone can be a success if they have confidence and are willing to work hard. No one is put on this earth to live their life trying to achieve someone else's aesthetic preference.
You're telling people they are not defined by their level of fatness, and yet you judge them for it, which is
basically defining them as obese and unhealthy and therefore should not be recognized for their success.
If you are tired of seeing articles about 'fat glorification' and the 'dad bod,' stop shaming for it; because all these articles 'happen' to justify and prove that your size doesn't define who you are as a person. Anyone can be a success if they have confidence and are willing to work hard. No one is put on this earth to live their life trying to achieve someone else's aesthetic preference.
It’s easy to be fat. I literally have to make no effort
and my goal is achieved. But it’s also hard to be fat – or rather, it’s hard to
be happy about being fat. I don’t care how many “I’m no angel” campaigns I come
across online, unless I’m one of the girls picked to be fat and fabulous in a
poster, I’m probably not going to feel as great about being this large.
I think I have chosen not to obsess over it anymore. It's killing my vibe and keeping me from focusing on the things in life that matter. No, this doesn't mean I will quit working out and eating healthy. It just means I'm not focused on losing weight anymore because medically, it won't be as easy for me as it would be for someone else. But if anyone wants to steal it from me, I'll pretend I don't see you coming.
I think I have chosen not to obsess over it anymore. It's killing my vibe and keeping me from focusing on the things in life that matter. No, this doesn't mean I will quit working out and eating healthy. It just means I'm not focused on losing weight anymore because medically, it won't be as easy for me as it would be for someone else. But if anyone wants to steal it from me, I'll pretend I don't see you coming.
When I look back at my own life, I can see that I wasted most of it trying to be everyone else's ideal. When I read negative articles and comments, I see people bringing others down because maybe they need approval in validation because of their own insecurities.
However, when you are truly happy, you don't need anyone's validation but your own.
And mine. I will give it to all of you right now. You’re
all pretty f***ing fabulous. Live for you. If you're fat, skinny, whatever, be you.
