10 Ways To Turn Your New Years Resolution Fails into Success

New Years Resolutions are like diets: You’re good until you remember how much you miss your freedom to eat things that make your mouth happy – most of which are not healthy choices, but who doesn’t like a good Twinkie?

I choose not to make New Years Resolutions. If I want to make a change or do something, I do it when I decide I want it. Because waiting a few months to an entire year to start anything is wasting time I could have been making progress.

Like writing that book I’ve been working on for the last three years …

A lot of people fall off the initial momentum of that resolution wagon, regardless of when they make that promise to themselves, and they don’t understand why.  Well, I figured it out. Actually, my dad figured it out and I listened to what he said.

So, without further ado, here’s a surefire way to ensure success when making those promises to yourself:

10.

9.

8.

7.

6.

5.

4.

3.

2.

1. MAKE YOURSELF A PRIORITY. If you want to succeed at anything, you need to make it a priority; but it will never be a priority until it’s important enough for you to make it one. And to do that, you need to make yourself a priority. Once you realize you are just as important as all the other people and things you put ahead of yourself in life, it will be a lot easier to make those resolutions stick instead of finding excuses to put them off.

You don’t want to look back on a life of regrets, do you?

You’re welcome and Good Luck.  

Fit Just Got Real: Has Anyone Seen My Abs?

Well, it’s safe to say that since I didn’t weigh or measure myself at the start, I can’t produce numbers to back up the observation that I have not seen any results, weight-wise, from doing the Whole Life Challenge: performance level.

I have noticed that I am better in the gym. I'm pushing myself more these days. I even got my first pull-up (although I kipped) a few weeks ago. It wasn’t my diet, but good coaching. I feel that when coach took away the option of banded pull-ups, it made me have to stop being lazy and work that much harder; because when you have a full class and only five sets of rings, your rounds or reps for time are affected by waiting your turn in scaling. But I digress ... 

To be honest, I saw more results when I wasn’t counting calories and omitting foods and just ate a sensible, well-rounded diet -which I had started months before the challenge. By the time I had started on the WLC, I had lost a few pounds overall, some inches from my hips and a cup size from my boobs. I measured that by the looseness of the larger sized pants I had to buy and the gap in my bra around each boob.

I also had more energy, didn’t feel tired all the time and was ready for the 6 p.m. CrossFit class. I was so excited to start the WLC at the performance level, because I wanted to see abs – on my body, not on someone else’s.

It’s about the halfway point and here is where I’m at: I am wishing for a devastating, kick-start-level, weight-loss inducing break-up so that I can get back into my old clothes. I am completely serious.

Since I've been on the 'top-tier' level of the challenge, I have not lost a single pound or inch and by the time gym class comes around, I have no energy left. All I eat is chicken or fish, veggies and fruit; and I’ve ingested enough water to sink the Titanic. Really, even with the two or three times I ‘cheated’ and had something that wasn’t allowed on the plan, I thought I would see mega results.

Mega.

But I haven’t. And I cut out ¾ of my grocery list for this (although I didn't save money because 'diet' foods cost more money); but I guess the bright side is I haven’t gained weight.

I’ve seen everyone around me make progress and look better and when I look in the mirror and see no change, it’s disheartening. I spent all this time being as diligent as I can, following the rules and saying no to things I wanted to say yes to, to not see the reward.

It pisses me off. However, even though I will probably not do this again, I feel I’ve learned some things:

• Life is easier – and cheaper - when meals are pre-made. It cuts so much time out of my morning to have my lunch stacks prepped so all I have to do is toss them in a bag and go. I can stay in bed an extra half hour in the mornings. 

Just a sidenote: I also added another half hour of sleep in the mornings by not wearing make-up. It's not pretty, and I'm sure my co-workers are wondering what experiment I'm trying now, but getting that extra time in the morning = money. 

• I don’t need coffee in the morning – with sweetener or without. But, I like coffee in the morning and my daughter bought me a Keurig, so I will have coffee every morning.

• There is so much about nutrition, supplements, vitamins, the digestive system and age that I never paid attention to before, and of which I am totally aware now. It’s been an enlightening and educating experience. But, it's not one I would feel I'm qualified to advise anyone on because I don't have a degree. What works for someone else may not work for me and vice versa. 

• I’m not about the ‘diet’ life. I spent my entire life being on one diet or another, but I’ve never looked better or have been happier than when I was not counting calories or cutting entire food groups from my life. I work hard in the gym, and my reward should be more than a Paleo muffin.

• It’s not that hard to eat within the realm of health when I’m traveling or at work. It is, however, inconvenient and presumptuous to expect restaurants will cater to a specific diet if they are not prepared. Like, I’m not going to walk into a New York Pizza place and ask for a cauliflower crust, and then get all celebitchy when they don’t have it … I’ll just have the pizza.  

• For all the whining I did, I can do what I set my mind to do – I’m as strong as I want to be. There are no excuses stronger than my willpower. And whatever I try to convince myself is a valid reason for ‘cheating’ on  the way to my goals is just me being too lazy to do the work to get there.

• It's okay to be selfish and take care of myself. 

• I'm the least happy when I'm constantly thinking about food, and since I've been on the WLC, all I think about is food and points. 

It hasn’t all been super disappointing for me. The best part is that I was doing it with the support of my gym mates and seeing them make progress is inspiring. Plus, it’s always nice to diet with friends. There’s company in the misery of not being able to eat that cupcake or lick that spoon of icing. …

… or partake in that bottle - I mean cu- glass of wine …

While I’m not keen on the WLC from my own experience as far as expectation versus reality, I will say it’s a good place to start for anyone wanting to make a change. For me, making a lifestyle change sounds a lot like being on a diet for the rest of my life.  I'm about to turn 41 and there's nothing more depressing than looking ahead at 40+ more years of never eating another peanut butter and jelly sandwich again. And if I have to be honest, nothing makes me happier than being able to eat food that tastes good and doesn’t dent my bank account trying to eat like a caveman.

Because if processed food had been around back in those days, I assure you, those cavemen would have been all over it – like I’m about to be all over my Paleo lunch right now.  

Road Trip: Land of Oz

The Land of Oz is real and located high in the mountains of North Carolina. I know this because I traveled there for a visit last week.

Not by a tornado, but by Jetta. And it took four and a half hours to get there ...

Okay, so, it's not the REAL Oz ... because it's super hard to get over the rainbow in a car. I went to the next best place: Autumn at Oz on Beech Mountain in Boone, North Carolina. It's a recreation of the magical land from the movie "The Wizard of Oz" which we all know was based on a book that no one probably read because nowadays everyone waits for the movie. Anyway ...

Autumn at Oz only happens once a year, and by the time I heard about it last year, it had sold out. So,

I think one of my friends knows
this actress playing the witch. 

this year, I waited for tickets to go on sale like a professional shopper at WalMart on Black Friday - one month in advance.

Oh, yes I did.

Hey, a trip to Oz is serious business and very much worth the price of admission - which includes the busride to the top of Beech Mountain where the the magic from the Wizard of Oz is recreated through a nostalgic journey on foot that includes all the characters from the Land of Oz - from Auntie Em and Uncle Henry to the other characters including the Munchkins, Lion, Scarecrow, Tin Man and Dorothy -  along the yellow brick road in the many costumes used over the years.

Which was a little unsettling as far as the costumes were concerned. The cowardly lion went from being super realistic to a cheap Halloween costume you'd get for your kids and that was a little creepy to see. But all the characters were were super nice; one 'actress' has been with the park since it opened in 1971 - she was the first Dorothy and now her daughter is one of the many incarnations of Dorothy.

Did I have fun? Yes. Would I do this again? Absolutely not. Does my daughter feel the same? Yes.

She started with the park as Dorothy. 

Do I recommend this trip to anyone else? If this is your only destination in Boone, and you're driving more than two hours to get there, then, no. Here's why:

It's really too cold to enjoy the park. Although it's fall, it felt like winter - in the 40s and super windy. Our fingers and toes were frozen through our boots and gloves.

There is a minimum one hour wait to start the tour. You have to wait outside and it's miserably cold. Even though I bought the 2 p.m. tickets, we didn't start until 3 p.m.

I don't carry cash and they don't take a card at the food, drink and handwarmer stands. At least, that's what I was told when I asked. That's not mentioned on the web site.

Everyone singing "Follow the Yellow Brick Road" on the busride to the entrance of the park. Acapella. Off key.

Once you're on the yellow brick road, the tour lasts 30-45 minutes. That's because you're in a line behind other people who are taking a bazillion pictures with each character in every possible pose, and with every single camera they own.

She's the daughter of the original
Dorothy of the park. 

Did I mention how ridiculously cold and windy it is in Oz? It's really hard to walk when you can't feel your feet and even more so when you can't smile through chattering teeth.

I can def mark this off my bucket list and file it under 'was neato, but will probably not go back unless it is very unseasonably warm.' However, there were a lot of people who dress up to go to the event every year. It was like walking into a Star Trek convention only everyone was dressed like Dorothy, Glinda or the Scarecrow. And there was one Rainbow Brite complete with multi colored braids. Almost got a picture of that, but my fingers were too cold to move fast enough.

If anyone is interested in going, remember to dress like winter, carry cash, be ready to wait and stand around a lot. Also, maybe make other plans in town and go for a weekend. I made the trip in one day and was literally chanting, "there's no place like home" the entire way home.

In all, it was great to spend a day with my daughter and get her photos with all the characters along the Yellow Brick Road. Because you know I made her stop at every photo op to preserve the memory of the only time we will ever be in the Land of Oz.

Yup, those costumes are just a little terrifying. Compared to these:

Paleo Pumkin Pancakes That Are Pretty Decent

Improvising foodie pics. 

I’m not much of a genius in the kitchen. If there’s a recipe for it, if it’s nuke-able, or comes out of a box, I can make it. Most of my meals are prepared in 30-minutes or less because I don’t like to spend a lot of time cooking.

Since starting on the Whole Life Challenge, I had to not just change the way I cook and eat, but also how I think about food. No more skipping meals, like breakfast, because of time constraints and dinner should be eaten before 7 p.m. So, I’ve stuck to the same menu items because of ease, convenience and budget.

Basically, my diet has been mostly eggs with nitrate free bacon or sausage and peppers for breakfast; and meat, eggs, fruits, and veggies for lunch and dinner.

Although I pre-make my lunch/dinner, I make breakfast fresh every morning. I dislike the taste of lukewarm eggs and nuking them dries them out. However, on the mornings I’m running short on time, I end up either skipping breakfast or grabbing a piece of fruit and black coffee.

Really, I need more than a banana and black coffee. Seriously, I don’t even know what I’m thinking with that banana. It’s like trying to paint a smile on bitterness. I needed to find something I could take with me and heat up at work on the mornings I don’t have time to make breakfast – that wouldn’t taste like cardboard or dried eggs.

To be perfectly honest, I’m not a big fan of eggs anyway. In the last four weeks, I’ve eaten more eggs than in my entire life up to this point. So, I really wanted to find something like a Paleo doughnut or breakfast cake recipe that didn’t taste like eggs because I like those two things and really don’t like eggs that much.

Preferably something with icing on top.

What I found instead is the next best thing: Paleo Pumkin Pancakes. Finally, out of all the Paleo sites spamming my inbox, one of them sent me something I can use.

As I scanned the recipe, there were a just a few ingredients I that I just can’t have on the performance level: sugar, milk, flour, pumpkin spice – basically anything that would add a richer flavor to the food to ensure I might actually like it … right?

With my limited knowledge of how ingredients work in recipes, I knew I’d be cutting those items out and replacing them. Thinking back to the paleo coconut blueberry muffins I made before the challenge, I had an idea to sub those ingredients with ones approved for the performance level of the challenge.

I used coconut flour, Stevia and almond milk, but left out the pumpkin spice – mainly because I’m not sure what it is and if there are health benefits. Also, just a note: a little bit of Stevia goes a LONG way.

Something that is not mentioned on the Challenge list is approved spices – there’s not even a mention of salt and pepper to flavor food. But the recipe called for cinnamon. Cinnamon is GOOD for you: Cinnamon provides high amounts of calcium and fiber. Also, one teaspoon provides a whopping 22 percent of the daily recommended value in manganese.

What does manganese do for you? A lot, actually. Manganese is a trace mineral that helps the body form strong bones, connective tissues, and sex hormones, and coagulates the blood properly. It helps metabolize fat and carbohydrates, regulate blood sugar, absorb calcium, and is essential for optimal brain and nerve function. As if that's not enough, it’s also a component of the antioxidant enzyme superoxide dismutase, which helps neutralize free radicals that can damage cell membranes and DNA. Proper levels of manganese have been linked to the prevention of diabetes, arthritis, epilepsy, and even PMS.

Soooo, I’m allowing it since it’s technically not a sweetener and has a bunch of health benefits, although there’s probably not enough in the recipe to do all of that jazzy stuff I just mentioned.

What you’re gonna need:

¼ cup pumpkin puree

1 egg

½ cup coconut flour (or almond flour)

½ tbsp Stevia

2 tbsp baking soda

1 tsp cinnamon

pinch of nutmeg

(if you’re on a different level of the challenge, add the pumpkin spice and try 1 cup of rice flour instead for a gluten free recipe)

Directions

Whisk pumpkin and egg together until smooth

Add in remaining ingredients and whisk until smooth

Using coconut oil to grease the pan, make them like you would regular pancakes

Makes 6 medium size pancakes or a lot of minis 

Enjoy with Maple syrup, fruit preserves or plain

Just some notes:

I used ½ cup coconut flour. If it’s too watery, add a little bit more until it has a thick consistency. Like pancake mix. Remember, a little bit of Stevia goes a long way. Also, if you’re on the mid- to low-level challenge, you can add stuff like real sugar or honey, pumpkin spice and real milk.

All the food I’ve eaten up to this point has been pretty bland and my goal with these pancakes was to add something with a little more flavor to my diet. These pancakes definitely taste great. You can refrigerate or freeze them for take-and-go meals, but they taste better fresh.

I’m thinking about using this recipe to make them into muffins. If I don’t ruin my oven or burn my kitchen down, I’ll let y’all know how that turns out.

Confession of an Internet Supermodel

In a nutshell, and in a lot of words, here’s the story of my rise and eventual dismount from Internet Supermodel ‘stardom.’ Seriously, this is a long read, so you might wanna get comfortable. 

My God-given talent was/is comic/graphic art. And probably writing, too, but that's still out for debate.

However, for a really long time – I wanted it to be modeling and acting. Mostly acting, but I thought I could transition to acting from the modeling industry – you know, like Cindy Crawford (Fair Game w/ William Baldwin). And so, I wasted my natural talent in favor of looking for attention – because really, that’s probably what it was about (#issues). It was me wanting to be noticed. Nowadays we have social media; back then, you had to legit go old school and work to be seen. 

No one really notices comic book artists except other comic book artists, friends, family … and fanboys/girls. And while it’s cool to be all things nerdy now, back when I was a kid, being a nerd meant you got to sit at the corner table at lunch and you don't get to have a boyfriend. 

Plus, there was no big money in comic book illustration.

But if you’re an actor/model, you’re global; and people notice because you’re EVERYWHERE. And there’s a s*** ton of money in it if you’re lucky. Who wouldn't want that? Right? Right?! 

I learned anyone can be a model.

It’s the truth! All you need is a willingness to accept a modified version of what you think of as success in the modeling industry as well as a certain amount of naivete ... or stupidity. 

Both of which I had plenty. 

My first experience in modeling happened before the Internet while I was still in high school. I was approached by a photographer in the mall who said he would give me copies of the photos if I agreed to model for him.

Like an idiot, I thought, “this is my big break. People get discovered in malls all the time! Right?”

Yes, by predators, pedophiles and pervs … But my mom, surprisingly, was on board, and somehow she got my dad to agree to it as well. It was really surprising considering the photographer’s list of things to bring included lingerie. My mom provided a very modest nightgown.

Very modest.

It wasn't even this
professional looking.
Hashtag, "Wronkled
Up Bed Sheets."

So, I found myself at the photographer’s house a few nights later, in a back bedroom studio, while my parents waited. They had no idea this guy wanted me to take off the nightgown he had requested I bring to the shoot – at 16 years old. I also never told my parents he tried to convince me that models had to learn to get naked before they could make it as a model at all.

The guy turned out to be nothing more than a pervert that wanted to get under-aged girls naked. Turns out, there are a lot of those out there, waiting for stupid girls like me. My heart was broken.

That was just the first of many failed attempts at breaking into the entertainment industry. I say breaking in because if I belonged there, I’m sure the doors would have been open for an easier entrance. 

But, once the Internet happened, it was like a backdoor to a place I wasn’t supposed to be …and I was in for a little bit.

ANYONE can be a model? Even ME?

I was an adult before the Internet became a thing. Let me tell you how much easier it is to do things like find agents and photographers online. It’s also easier to be victimized by scams aimed at Hollywood hopefuls - like me. Fortunately, regardless of ease, I was still too poor (and a little too cheap) to invest much money in things like getting an agent, my portfolio, headshots and classes. Of which I later learned shouldn’t have cost much - if any - money at all.

But I had just enough money and stupidity to waste on making decisions that got me nothing except an empty wallet and disappointment.

I might as well have flushed all that
$$$ down the toilet. 

Soon, though, I had to put my aspirations of being famous on hold because I didn’t have any more money to throw at people like I didn’t need it anymore. I got a real job and started trying to save to move to a land of better opportunities. 

You know, where there was a better chance for me to get swindled out of even more money or accidentally fall into porn.

Luckily, that never happened because real life swept me up in its current – far away from those dreams and into real life and being a mom. And for a while, I went back to pursuing my art and my back up dream of comic book illustrating.

Real life stuff.

Then the Internet was born sometime after the birth of my only child. Not the DOS based BBS systems or even the AOL chatrooms. I'm talking full-blown Google and social media. It was a magical place of knowledge, opportunity and, seemingly, a way to fulfill my hopes and dreams.

Not really. 

It was just easier access to misinformation and more predators willing to tell you anything to take your money, dignity, hopes and dreams and destroy them in a really ugly way. But now they didn’t have to come to you in a mall, because you are going to them via the cyber-highway. God help me if I ever do somehow become widely known, because there are some photos of me I’d dig my own grave to get away from.

Mom, Dad … I’m sorry. But I digress.

So, with the help of the Internet, I was able to model – somewhat. There is always a photographer building his/her portfolio that is willing to trade their time and talent for prints or a CD. 

Who needs this many pictures of themselves?

And I have a lot of prints and CDs for everyone’s time. Like … seriously, I may have hundreds of CDs totaling thousands and thousands of photos.

The Internet made it possible for me to get in front of the cameras of a lot of photographers – seasoned and beginners. It helped my self-esteem and kept my body dysmorphia at a manageable level. But it was also an education in reality.

One of the first TFP shoots I ever did -
 post baby. Photo credit:
Savage Photography

Like … in reality, I would never be a supermodel. I am too short and built like a tall, curvy person … just on a small person’s frame. So, I was basically phat. 

Further research revealed that legit models and actors had legit agents and got paid. Those legit artists lived in legit cities with legit ties to legit studios, castings and projects.

Not Fayetteville, North Carolina, where the only legit anything was the scam to idiot ratio.

And even though I sent my new talent packets to several (read: ALL) out of town agencies … I fell short of the ‘legit’ criteria to be what the industry would call a real, paid model.

But ...all this new knowledge came with a consolation prize – I could be a B-level model if I was willing to bend the rules a little and travel - on my own dime. I might not be ideally located to prove my A-List potential or tall enough to grace the cover of …well, any magazine, but …

One of my favorite shoots. Photo credit:
Eric Foltz. 

At 5’1”, I could be a bikini, nude or glamour model for a lot of photographers – for their own portfolio or even stock images for ads. If I was lucky enough, maybe one would trade for headshots so I could try my chops at acting in local, independent films - eventually. All I had to do was sign up on networking web sites dedicated to introducing wannabe models to people in the industry who could help by creating opportunities for exposure and portfolio development.

I look sooo hungry.
Photo Credit: Tom Sapp

So, I created an online portfolio on a few of the bigger sites thinking this would jump-start my ‘career.’ Within days (months), I was Insta-famous. If you typed my name in Google, I owned the first five pages. Okay, I might be exaggerating a little, but not much. 

However, after a while, I realized something important.

Although a lot of photographers wanted to take my picture, I wasn't getting legit, paid work. And hardly anyone I was working with had real connections to the industry. But, I didn’t care. Because, by that point, it wasn’t about the money. It was about being a ‘model.’ Even a ‘not so real’ one. It was about the attention and feeling pretty for the length of a photoshoot and the positive feedback on what I posted on the Internet.

Photo Credit: Walter Arce

For a few years, I took advantage of the opportunity to collaborate with several amazing photographers and collect a s***load of pictures of myself. And I was able to enjoy a certain amount of Internet fame on several networking sites. My name was pretty well-known buuuuut ... I didn’t really do anything to earn rockstar status. Even I knew there were prettier ‘models’ out there. I selfishly enjoyed and made the most out of every opportunity. It was fun, I enjoyed working on some pretty cool projects, traveling and ... learning about photography from some of the top photographers. 

I traveled the East and West Coast - even to Canada - to work with some amazingly talented photographers that I knew I had no business working with at the time as I wasn’t really adding value to their portfolio.

At least, I didn’t think so. 

In my own mind, I became the biggest joke I knew. If I had to be perfectly honest about my looks, I’d say that I have a workable face and the perfect body for Photoshop. I know, because I photoshop the s*** out of it when I can.

This could be the title of me
book ... 

Maybe they (the photographers) figured one day, I’d write a best-selling book that would catapult the value of all the photos they’ve taken of me. Maybe I should pay them back for their kindness by not procrastinating since that was my plan over the last several years. Maybe ... 

Another fave
Photo Credit: Serdar Design

I enjoyed my time in front of the camera, though. It felt good to be ‘someone’ for a little while. I was bigger than the somewhat-normal life I lived. When MySpace was a thing, my page was pretty popular. I had a lot of ‘friends’ and fans. Sometimes, I was even recognized in public.

Like, the few times I went to a popular, local Irish pub the musician would introduce me on stage as the 'model' with the sexiest pictures online, 'like, masturbation material.'  

Which wasn’t really a compliment, I guess … 

 And another fave: Photo Credit: Larry Baglio, NY

Yes, I was really in an ad.
Photo credit: Tom Sapp. 

There are a lot of words I would use to describe myself, but sexy is not one of them. Yet, when I was looking at the pictures to put together this blog, I experienced a certain amount of pride because, they were/are great shots. But the girl in those pictures was/is not me. It was like looking at a totally different person. Sometimes I felt guilty for accepting all the attention. But then I’d think of all the years I was made fun of for being a dorky, Dungeons and Dragons playing, comic book reading, nerd … and decided I deserved to feel pretty - and relevant.

Glad to know my bad hair day
made a great stock photo.
Photo credit: Walter Arce

And, YES, to all the haters (yeah, I have those) who campaigned to call me out behind my back and online – you’re right. Me = not a real model. BUT, none of you were genuinely nice people, so I feel we are even.

If I was in a magazine, if my photos ended up printed online or in a commercial, I didn’t know about it. Whenever anyone assumed I had done bigger things than I had, I let them. Why not? It wasn’t really a lie … okay, so maybe it was a little one, but by omission only.

SEE WHAT I MEAN?
This is me as a kid. 

After all, if you could see the pics of me as a pre-teen/teen, you’d agree I deserved just a little tiny bit of my stolen Internet stardom. Enough so that when I would come across a former school crush online who didn’t look twice at me as an awkward kid, I could be like, “Yeah, that’s right, look at me now.” Or then ... 

Juvenile? Totally. Justified? Maybe a little. C’mon, we’ve all been there. I’m just willing to admit it.

These days you can find me behind
the camera.
Photo credit: Selfie.

Nowadays, I prefer to be behind the camera. When I first picked up photography, I was surprised to meet a lot of people who had the same body and self-esteem issues I was dealing with even as an adult. If I can give just one person an ounce of the confidence all those photographers gave me, then I feel like I’m paying it forward. Not to sound all benevolent and stuff, but making people feel good about who they are and how they look is better than being popular or ‘famous.’

Because we don’t see us the way other people do. Sometimes people need to experience that truth - it makes a difference.  

I suppose I owe the World Wide Web a great, big, thank you for allowing me the opportunities in B-level modeling that somehow catapulted me to local, online celebrity status. But, like all things that aren’t really supposed to be a thing, it had to end sometime, right?

During my time as a model and somewhat popular local celeb, I learned a few things about the industry and myself. Mostly about myself.

In my natural habitat.

1)    It’s not easy modeling. Your appearance is the most important thing about you when you’re a model. If you got it, that’s wonderful. If you don’t, it’s a lot of work to fake it – which is where I messed up. I lived with an eating disorder for 25 years. That’s a long time to be hungry. It’s also a good way to kill your body slowly and leave lasting damage on your insides and outsides. Just ask me. There is still hair where there shouldn't be, my teeth are off-white and my gag reflex is damaged ... 

2)    Being pretty and popular is not what you think it will be and I wished I hadn’t spent so much time wishing and trying to be someone else. I’m not a stupid girl, but I sure spent a lot of time being stupid.

3)    Everyone has a talent, so when you find yours, don’t waste it. Life is too short for avoidable regrets. Always work for what you want and find your own success. Because even though I didn't become 'world-famous,' I was still able to enjoy doing something creative as a model and even as an actress in such notable titles as, "Song of the Lesbian Pirates" and "X-Gen." Both of which are available for viewing online and neither of which I am that great in ... 

To all the photographers I’ve had the pleasure of working with, know that I appreciated each and every opportunity, and I miss it a lot sometimes. Also, should I become a famous novelist or stumble into the lead role of being Gerard Butler’s love interest in a film, I implore you to please keep my worst photos out of the tabloids. Besides, you won’t make A-list money off of them. Thank you.

I will leave you with this random thread I found while Googling my name to see what came up. Sadly, this is pretty much what's left of my Cybermodel legacy ...