I remember when I first
discovered social media.
It was back in the days of
MySpace. At that time, the only reason I joined was to hear a friend’s music on
his page, but I never really interacted online until after I separated from my
second husband and subsequently found my Internet Supermodel career.
I was lonely, bored and
MySpace was not only a great distraction, it was also a way to build
self-esteem through social media narcissism.
C’mon, it’s not like I’m the
only one – if you have ever posted a selfie or any photo of yourself online,
then you are also guilty. I’m just willing to admit it openly.
I’d waste so much time
online that I lost time offline. It was intriguing to see how people behaved
online; it gave me some insight to what’s happening in their personal lives when
nothing was happening in mine and that was addicting. I knew who was having the
best week ever, who was about to lose their position in a friend-squad and who
was about to get dumped just by their Top 8.
I even remember figuring out
my boyfriend at the time was getting ready to break up with me when he replaced
my Top 1 spot with his ex “just a friend” girlfriend. But I’m not bitter.
Anymore.
Sometime after that, another
guy I dated who had declined Thanksgiving with me and my friends ended up
spending it with another girl and her family. I saw that through said girl’s
comments section and a private message from her, feeling out my relationship
status with said douchebag.
But, I digress.
However, you couldn’t really
see someone’s activity as it was happening – you had to do work and creep
people’s pages. I remember chain-linking from ‘friend’ to ‘friend’ like an
addict, creeping profiles to get my fix of other people’s business. It was a
lot of work and eventually, I gave it up.
Nowadays, social media is
way more complicated and transparent. You can see everyone’s social media activity
from mission control – your newsfeed. Who they friend, what they like, what
they are saying … I actually think this aspect of social media affects all
relationships negatively. I know, I know, it’s about trust and honesty and
blah, blah, bla-bulls***.
It’s social media and the
thirst is real. Check it:
Imagine walking in the mall
on a day when you are not feeling your best and catching your significant other
almost break a neck trying to check out some hottie.
Guys, you will rarely catch
your lady because we need leverage when we catch you doing it and those who
live in glass houses can’t throw stones. Then all our arguments will shatter
like glass.
We’re smart like that …
If you’re a girl and you
catch your guy, you’re probably going to want to murder him. Men know this and
that’s why they try being inconspicuous – but sometimes an ass (or body) is so
nice, it makes a man lose his mind and he forgets to put himself into stealth-mode.
It happens. And women know their husbands and boyfriends check out other women
– they just don’t want to see it happen.
Then social media made it
possible to creep under an umbrella of anonymity. But now they are taking
that back by offering up being able to track your friends’ activity online. All
you have to do is be their friend and follow them.
You get all his updates. AND
YOU CAN WATCH HIM ‘LIKE’ EVERY DAMN PICTURE OF EVERY DAMN HOT CHICK HE HAS ON
HIS FRIEND LIST AND HE WON’T EVEN LIKE YOUR NEW PROFILE PICTURE.
Like, WTF? Who are they
where do they live and more importantly why didn’t he like my profile
picture?
I’M #FILTEREDAF AND LOOK
LIKE A MODEL.
You guys know it’s like
that, too, so chill.
But social media is not
going away anytime soon and as long as women are going to post free porn, men
are going to look and like all the pictures.
I’m not immune – I once
called out a guy I had been seeing for his Instagram activity. Because anyone
who knows me also knows I don’t put up with BS … and that I never miss an
opportunity for an interesting conversation in which there is NO CORRECT ANSWER
OR WAY OUT.
This is probably why I’m
single. But again, I digress.
It’s simple. He went on a
‘liking’ rampage on a girl’s Instagram page – I’m sure it’s not the first or
only one, but it’s the first one I knew about. And the only way I even saw it
is because if you right swipe on the notifications page on IG, you can see what
everyone on your IG is doing. I right swiped trying to get a piece of something
off my phone screen and –BOOM – accidental creeper mode activated:
Dude liked a picture of a
pretty girl’s face.
So, I did what every other
premenstrual, red-blooded, slightly insecure chick would do. I stalked her page
to see who she was, where she lived and HOW MANY OTHER PICTURES OF HER DID MY
BOYFRIEND LIKE?
At first, I only saw he
liked her face selfies, so I calmed down. I’m not that crazy.
Anymore.
Then I clicked on a picture
of her butt and lost my s****.
HE LIKED A PICTURE OF HER
BUTT - several, in fact. (More like just two, but whatevs.)
I was like, where’s she from
again? Oh, the city he says he goes to a few times a year for work. Okay.
That’s … not cool. Does she have a boyfriend? She calls some guy ‘boo,’ but
there’s only one picture of him … no kids and yes, she has a rockin’ body ...
yeah, she’s cute though.
My self-esteem and pride
took a hit that day. And old insecurities resurfaced.
But, surprisingly (and this
is how I know I’ve matured) I didn’t go HAM on him right away. I just asked him
a question.
“Who is {name} and why do
you like pics of her ass?”
“I do?”
Oh. Em. Gee. Is he really
going to insult my intelligence?
If there are any guys
reading this, playing like you don’t know you liked some girl’s butt pics
online is not going to go well. No one accidentally likes pictures of anyone’s
ass online. Also, your girl isn’t as dumb as you just proved yourself to be by
underestimating what she probably already knows.
After explaining to me
who she is and where he knows her from, I guess he thought the conversation was
over. But he never answered my second question. It was the most important
question of which there would be no right answer.
None.
“Why do you like
pictures of her ass?”
“I don’t. I liked a
picture of her.”
“But her ass was the focus.”
It really was - she
actually mentioned how good her ass looks in the comment that accompanied the
posting of her photo. I sent him a screen to refresh his memory. Maybe he
wasn’t sure which picture(s) I was referring to … but he maintained:
“That’s more than her
ass. It’s her body. Half her face is in it.”
This motherf- really?!
“Not enough of her face
to qualify as more than her ass – but for the sake of argument, let’s assume
you liked it for artistic purposes and not just because she has a hot body and
nice ass. Tell me what you found so appealing about this and other photos of
her ‘body’ that you decided you liked all of them? I want to hear details.”
“It’s not like that, I
swear.”
“Then tell me what it’s
like, really, I wanna know.”
Because she’s not a
fitness chick, celebrity, porn star or anyone who overcame some kind of
adversity that you would offer your support in the number of likes you give to
her posts. She’s a normal girl who you see once or twice a year in another
state. Who posted a few pics of her butt. And you liked ALL. OF. THEM.
*crickets
There’s nothing really
wrong with liking pictures of some girl’s butt online. What I found amusing and
a little annoying was the continuing argument trying to prove he liked it out
of a good place in his heart – because he considered her a ‘friend.’ And
friends support their friends’ ass pictures. That girl didn’t post a picture of
her ass online because she wanted her Insta-groupies to support her personality.
She wanted to show off her great body and ass and needed her hotness to be
validated in likes from her female but mostly male followers.
Duh, that’s how
Insta-media works!
What my now ex didn’t
want to say was that he found her attractive in those photos and liked them
based on that fact. Because as dumb as he was playing through the conversation,
he was smart enough to know that out of all the answers, that would have been
the most wrong one, especially if you are married or have a girlfriend.
Once you are in a
relationship, you kind of owe it to your S.O. to respect some boundaries. What
are those boundaries? Not liking chicks’ butts online – among other more
obvious things like not cheating.
This goes both ways if
you are attached to someone romantically. Think about what your actions/interactions
towards another man or woman online are and translate that into a real life
situation. If you won’t say or do it in front of your S.O., then you probably
shouldn’t do it on the down-low.
If you wouldn’t like it,
then assume the other person won’t like it either.
Social media serves up temptation
through accessibility and it’s hard to resist. What starts out as innocent,
mutual ‘liking’ can turn into chatting , then into seemingly ‘harmless’
flirting and grow into a fantasy that can rock your relationship when it pushes
into reality. I’ve seen it happen to my friends and I’m always wary of it
happening in my own relationships. We can say it all comes down to trust and
how strong your relationship is, but why test it? Why put yourself in a
situation that has the potential to blow up in your face?
If you set yourself up
for failure, you’re probably going to succeed. That’s a success you don’t want
under your belt. True story: A survey conducted revealed that Facebook
was cited in one in five divorces; and more than 80 percent of divorce lawyers
reported people are using social media to creep ‘n’ cheat.
So, the next time you
and your S.O. have a conversational argument about social media activity that
is unbecoming of an attached individual, just apologize, open a discussion to
resolve the issue and move on. Because out of all the wrong ways to handle that
situation, that will be the most right way to go.
Also, if you are in a
relationship and not sure if you should like something or friend/engage someone
online, here’s some help:
- Do
you know him or her? Yes: add and tell your S.O.; No: Don’t add; One
exception is if you are in business and trying to expand your clientele,
in which case make a web site or a social media business account and add
‘em all. Another is if both you and your S.O. know that person – then you
add and tell. If they find out on their own, there will be an argument.
- Is
this person a celebrity figure? Yes: add; No: Don’t add; let’s face it, you will
probably never be in a position to actually go all the way with a celeb.
This is why when couples talk about the ‘hall pass’ given to each other in
case they meet a celebrity, no one gets mad. It’s never going to happen.
You can add and friend them on social media and like all the famous butts to
your heart’s content.
- Is
this person’s picture suggestive in any way? Yes: Don’t like it. No: Like it, and be ready to defend
your decision with a strong argument should your S.O. decide it is, in
fact, suggestive. The exception here is when gym-goers, athletes, trainers
and coaches like other fitness peeps’ progress or gym pics, athlete
photos, etc. But that doesn’t include a hot chick or dude who is not an
athlete or gymrat posting pics in related gear. Confused? Don’t like it.
- Can
that comment you posted on someone’s wall be considered flirting? Yes: Don’t post it. No: Post it. Keeping in mind that
almost anything can be interpreted as flirting if the comment is placed on
the page of someone who is considered hot and is single and replies with a
similar comment. Confused? Roll the dice. Good luck.
- What do you do about hot single guys and girls on your
social media that are ‘grandfathered’ in? Have you had sex with them? Yes: Delete them. No: Do
you want to have sex with them? Yes: Delete them. No: Do they want to have
sex with you? Yes: Delete them. No: they are fine, but know your S.O. is
watching. Like a hawk.
- Is
someone on your social media constantly flirting with you, crossing
boundaries? Yes: Delete them; No: Are you constantly flirting with
them? Yes: Delete them; No: Did you ever date/have sex with said person?
Yes: Delete them; No: SAFE.
- Is
your S.O. uncomfortable with someone on your social media? Yes: Is your relationship serious? Yes: Delete
offending person; No: Do you want your relationship to go somewhere
serious? Yes: Delete them; No: why are you even having this argument?
I know a lot of people
will read this and think they are exceptions; they have so much trust and
honesty in their relationship or they would never be the one to step out
because they've been cheated on, etc, etc, etc. As someone who has had
relationships before and after the invention of texting, the Internet and
social media, I can tell you there is no exception.
