There is no age limit when it comes to FB drama - #agedefyingdrama

All I wanted to do this morning was write. And I wanted to write at Barnes and Noble, far away from any domestic duties that might lead me into procrastination. 

#delivermefromproductivity

But it seems a higher power had other plans – or a wrecked sense of humor.

I had just sat down and readied my laptop and root beer, plugged my earbuds in … when a man in a pink suit sits down next to me.

I pretend not to notice. Except his suit is pink, so I look over at him - and he’s staring at me.

He looked to be about 60-years old, black, blue eyes, and had Don King’s hair. No, seriously, it’s like he stole Don King’s hair and put it on his head.

I smile and look back at my screen.

“Excuse me, miss.”

He’s looking at me and I make eye contact so he knows I heard him.

“Yes, sir?”

“Can you do me a favor?”

Now, I’m thinking, 'Pastor King' has to pee and wants me to watch his stuff.

I remove an earbud and ask, “What’s that?”

What happened next caught me off-guard. Because old people shouldn’t have these problems. Actually, anyone over the age of high school shouldn’t even have these problems.

“See, every time I go on this one web site, it says the link has been broken or taken down. I see you’re on Facebook (#busted) and was wondering if you could go on this girl’s page for me.”

I’ve blocked enough people to know what the block screen looks like.

“I’m pretty sure she blocked you and that’s why the page won’t come up.”

“Well, why’d she block me?”

He seemed genuinely surprised and confused as to why this had happened and I figured he must have been a helluva playa back in his day – he did this to the ladies, they didn’t do this kind of thing to him – and rejection hit him hard.

“I don’t know, what did you do?”

Never ask a question if you don’t really care to hear the answer. It was long, but amounted to:

“Well, I’m a pretty important pastor on this coast and she’s the friend of a pastor on the west coast and she was posting stuff on my page all the time and texting my phone all the time and I couldn’t get a break so I made it so she couldn’t post on my wall because I didn’t want other pastors to see my page and I just didn’t want those sermons posted to my wall I’m part of an elite church group and this girl was posting and sending me stuff and engaging me in conversations I shouldn’t be having – if you know what I mean, you DO know what I mean, right -all the time I just couldn’t take it and now she blocked me from her Facebook and I didn’t want her to think I did what I did because I didn’t like her I just didn’t like her posting that much to my wall so I made it so she can’t and then I was talking to another girl on Facebook too and – OMG, I CAN’T EVEN!“

Okay, so maybe he didn’t say that last part, but he may as well have because he sounded like a 16-year old girl with some high school drama.

But, I had stopped listening. I was having a hard time wrapping my head around how much space Facebook was occupying in this 60 year old man’s head – to the point he had drama … about a girl or two and inappropriate conversations and shock at being blocked. And he’s a pastor. He then asked me to scroll through her profile to see what she had on her wall (#stalkerstatusachieved), all the while worrying himself over the fact that she didn’t just delete him, she BLOCKED him.

I sympathized a little. After all, I’m not #totallyheartless.

The last time someone blocked me it was because I called him out for creeping girls with his Facebook account and refusing to acknowledge he was in a relationship with me to the girl(s) he was flirting/talking with - because he said if he wanted everyone to know, he would tell them and besides,  he “is a private person.”

Um … if you have an FB at ALL, and that FB has more than just immediate family and

a few friends of the SAME sex, you are NOT a private person. (#bulls***) I digress.

So, here is a 60 year old man who is worrying himself toward a heart condition about getting blocked from a girl’s Facebook. A chick he made out to sound like a stage five-clinger that he should have been glad to be rid of, if you ask me.

And he did ask me.

“What do you think?”

I wanted to say: “Sir, why the s*** are we even having this conversation? Shouldn’t you be preachin' a sermon in a church somewhere or at the least enjoying the twilight 

years of your life not stalking chicks on Facebook?”

But what I actually said was: “I think if you leave her alone for a few days, she will cool down and get in touch with you.”

I don’t even know if I’m right, but I wanted him to stop talking to me because I was there to write and not stress over his drama. I have my own.

#middleagedramaqueen

Lucky for me, Joey Abs showed up. #SAVED. And the moment I switched tables, the old man grabbed his stuff and left.

Yes, I know a Joey Abs.

Pastor King was flabbergasted, upset and one of his feelings was hurt. I’m sure he didn’t even think that this chick could or even would block him. On some level, even though he said she annoyed him, I bet he really liked the attention.

What guy doesn’t like a little ego stroke now and again? Even a 60 year old guy. 

 #OldPeopleProblems

Not gonna lie, it’s not a super feeling to be blocked. It’s different from just being unfriended. When someone unfriends you, it’s like they are saying they just need a break, or no hard feelings.

When you get blocked, they are telling you that you’re dead to them.

Dead. To. Them.

As far as I know, I’ve only been blocked by that one person and to be honest, if he hadn’t, I would have blocked him first. But the nerve that he felt I’m the one who needed to be blocked pissed me the f*** off. He was in the wrong, and I was 'punished' for it.

No. Not punished. Dead.

DEAD. 

Just get me the tombstone to that FB friendship already … #RIPFB.

After the initial shock of being actually blocked and what it meant wore off, (because I really didn’t care) I just resumed my regularly scheduled life. It’s like the time I was banned from Paddy’s Pub for life … over a Facebook post I had written two years before that wasn’t about Paddy or his Pub. 

Surprisingly, my pride and dignity stayed intact and I was able to function as a normal human without going to the Pub to sing my stupid song with Paddy - or dealing with #thesociogames of a typical Fayetteville variety douchehole. 

Imagine that.  My life didn’t stop.

The point is, it’s Facebook – a very elaborate, interactive chatroom for folks who want to find old friends and make new ones, and the other folks who want to keep up with family, and the creepy stalkers. But the sad truth is, for a lot of adults, it’s a rebirth of their youth, a way to celebrity and a stroke to their self-esteem and popularity through Internet narcissism. So much so that what happens to them online, affects them offline. Deeply. #cray

And this 60-year old pastor proves it – someone made him DEAD to them. And it was eating him from the inside out. #walkingDEAD

Because he probably wished that he had done it first. It’s like being dumped – if you’re the one being dumped, you’re pissed. If you’re the one doing the dumping, you’re in control.

If he had been smart, Pastor King would have just opened up a creeper account and checked for himself instead of unloading his drama on a complete stranger.

#toomuchdramaforthismama.

#OMGICAN’TEVEN.