Miracle Whip facial

I have a good handle on my flubber. Not a lot of chicks can say that with a straight face or looking anyone directly in the eyes, but I can. However, I’ve recently noticed the once youthful, dewy look to my skin has faded into a, don’t-get-enough-fluids, matte-like, aged-to-imperfect sheen. I’ve been so busy working the other angles of my look, like my hair and make-up and updating my wardrobe to stay current, that I’ve forgotten that you can’t cover old with new. It kind of has to grow together. And there’s nothing like putting on foundation only to have it dry into a chalky look on your face or being able to pinch your skin and it not snapping back.


So, I’ve taken to drinking a lot of water lately. Well, a lot of flavored water because I don’t like the un-taste of bottled water and I’m not particularly fond of the slight chemical taste of tap water (I’m convinced chemicals are added to the city water supply). Along with hydrating my insides, I’ve taken to slathering on insane amounts of lotion and baby oil to keep my skin soft and – a big part of my regimen is exfoliating my entire body in the shower. I read somewhere that exfoliating the dead skin from your body will keep pores from clogging and break outs from happening, keeping your skin in top condition.

Something else I read was that using Miracle Whip is a non-abrasive way to exfoliate the skin on your face. Reading is how all my misadventures and experiments seem to start. But, this time, I didn’t burn my face off. Turns out, Miracle Whip does exactly what the experts say it will without any adverse affects. That is, unless you think smelling like a sandwich as a bad thing. The at-home, what I like to call ‘mini-peel’ recipe calls for a modest amount of Miracle Whip to be applied evenly over the face and neck. After 10 minutes, wipe it off with a damp washcloth – supposedly, you will see the dead skin flaking off your face. I didn’t. What I did see was my face looking shiny and red, as if I had just taken a laser to it. I had to wonder - if this is what Miracle Whip does to my face, what’s it doing to my insides? I’m pretty sure the lining on my stomach shouldn’t be thinned in anyway.

The smoothing effects of the mayo last about a week before you need to do it again. I’ve done it twice, the second time was witnessed by the boyfriend who, of course, took to making the necessary mayo jokes. That was before he admitted to experimenting with the Miracle Whip on his day off – you know, to promote healthy skin. I wasn’t expecting to hear that, so I asked him what the experience was like for him.

“It made me hungry.”

Typical. He didn’t leave it on the full ten minutes and didn’t really see any improvement with his skin tone. Then again, he hadn’t shaved his whiskers and he spent the ten minutes in a steamy shower, so I’m thinking he just didn’t do it right.