Jeep waves are like club handshakes

“Owning, registering, insuring, or driving a Jeep implies knowledge of and intent to abide by the following rules. Failure to obey the rules may result in your being ignored by other Jeep owners as you sit along the side of the road next to your stalled vehicle in a blizzard surrounded by Saturns, Yugos, and Hyundais.”

My ex-boyfriend owns a Jeep – funny, actually, both of them do. It’s a vehicle that I once flippantly attributed to surf-brahs, posers, gym-bros and general vagina-hopping douchehats as well as anyone whose fave movie of ALL TIME is “Snatch” or “Point Break.”

And, I haven’t been proven wrong.

The first time I saw my ex-boyfriend drive up in his new jeep, all rugged and manly-like, I – okay, so I was hoping every girl would have the same misconception of male jeep drivers and just stay away.

I know, totally unfair and girly, but at least I’m honest.

Anyway, we went on our first road trip and that’s when I learned about the “jeep wave.” 

Apparently, only jeep owners know about this wave and understand how to use it.

What is a jeep wave? It’s exactly that: a jeep wave. One jeep owner waves at another jeep owner as they pass each other. Jeep owner.

Not jeep passenger, as my boyfriend gently reminded me the first time we passed a jeep and I waved vigorously at the other jeep driver – with jazzy hands and spirit fingers.

Who did NOT wave back, I might add.

“Please, don’t to that,” said the ex.

“Why not?” I asked.

“Because you’re doing it wrong,” he said. “It’s a quick wave, not jazz hands. And 

passengers don’t do it, drivers do.”

In my head, I heard, “Your wave is just not as cool as mine.”

So, I decided at that moment, I would win over a jeep driver with my emphatically benevolent jeep wave – much to the dismay and annoyance of the ex-boyfriend.

After a few miles and a few jeeps, one actually acknowledged me and I was like, 

“BOOM! Look at that! That guy totally waved at me!”

“No he didn’t, he pointed at you,” ~ him

“Yes, he pointed! At MY wave,” ~ me

“WITH his middle finger,” ~ him, grinning.

Whaaaat? For serious? How rude. Of the other guy, not the bf. But that did NOT stop me. I WOULD win this one.

“Look, just stop. It’s cute, but you’re embarrassing yourself,” him

Later on, I will realize he was only trying to save me from myself.

But I’m not a quitter.

And so, for the rest of the trip to and from our destination, (and much to his irritation) I was perched at the edge of my seat, close to the windshield so that I could be seen. 

My ex-boyfriend was witness to the biggest fail as I tried wave technique after wave technique and received NO response whatsoever – except confused looks from other drivers or a “finger” pointed in my general direction.

Every so often, the ex-bf would do the wave and get a wave back, give me a smirk and keep driving. Eventually, I gave up as we got close to home, deciding I needed a better strategy – like maybe leaning towards the steering wheel so they don’t think it’s me?

Then, this happened:

“What is SHE doing?!” ~ the ex-boyfriend, in total shock and disbelief

“What? What happened?” ~ me

“That lady driving a jeep Cherokee – an SUV – she just waved at me,” ~ him

“So? It’s a jeep, right?” ~ me

The look he gave – you would have thought I had grown a testicle on my chin.

“Um, not in the same off road jeep family,” him, aggravated with me at this point

Okay, so apparently, there are more rules to this jeep wave that I didn’t realize Not only does it have to be the driver doing it, it can’t be emphatic, you can’t use jazz hands or spirit fingers - it can’t be me – and it has to be a rugged, off road jeep, not an SUV type.

Got it.

This jeep wave business was just too complicated. It’s like a club you silently join once you own a jeep. But I suppose once you start bending the rules of membership, it’s no longer a jeep wave but a regular wave, and then it’s just NICE and not a JEEP THANG.

Right?

And that’s okay, because I’ve decided to come up with MY OWN THANG. I’m going to call it the Jetta wave. Only, instead of just waving at other drivers of Jettas, I’m 

going to wave at everyone.

The message:

“Jetta drivers are so nice, we will say hello to everyone regardless of preferred vehicle for transportation.”

Or …

“My attempt at revising the jeep wave failed.”

I know, it’s all pretty silly. And honestly, none of this bothered me more than it amused me to see how far I could get with it. I might be annoying, but I’m never boring.

In closing, I will leave you to a link to an in-depth definition and criteria of the Jeep Wave:

http://jeeptalk.org/jeep_wave.php