Fit Just Got Real: Pre-Whole Life Challenge Musings

Here I am, on the eve of starting the Whole Life Challenge, sitting in my living room, drinking water, watching “Once Upon A Time” and writing. I had big plans to order a pizza, follow that up with salted caramel ice cream and a bottle of moscato - because just one glass isn’t a party.

The plan was scratched mainly because all of that would have sent my digestive system into shock and put me in a food coma for a few days of recovery. I had things to do.

Really, I don’t even like ice cream. I just wanted to do a last ‘hurrah’ before I buckle down on the performance level of this Challenge and ice cream is what I have in my freezer. But when I thought about it, going HAM on carbs, sugar and wine probably wasn’t going to make getting started on this challenge easier than sticking to my clean eating habits.

Darn my self-imposed discipline.

See, I actually started the lifestyle change a few months ago out of necessity and it was about more than weight. I was emotionally drained, tired and depressed. Although my diet was good, I wasn’t sleeping, couldn’t focus on my work, and lived in a constant state of fatigue and bloating.

None of that is an exaggeration.

By the end of the day, whether I ate a lot or not at all, I looked like I was smuggling a set of quadruplets in my belly. For someone with body dysmorphia, the struggle was real … and devastating. It added to my depression and for several weeks, I had to force myself to be normal, smile, and keep my workout schedule. It wasn’t easy as I pretty much split the thighs of all my yoga pants.

Yes, you read that right. My thighs outstretched my yoga pants. Pants that were made to stretch. And my thighs stretched them past their limit. It was horrifying. I knew I had to do something soon. Yoga pants are not cheap and since my jeans no longer fit, I basically had to live in yoga pants.   

So, I guess I had a self-imposed intervention of sorts, because I’m not one to wait to make a change. Especially when, no matter how I tried to downplay it in my head, I could physically see and feel my health failing.

Did I mention I split my yoga pants?

One of the first things I did was visit a doctor to make sure there wasn’t anything medically serious I needed to know about. Like maybe I had a giant worm in my intestine. But no such luck.

After a few tests, it turned out there was more than one thing wrong with me physically, but fixable over time – a long period of time. That was kind of a relief because WebMD said I was dying and death is pretty finite. Really there are only two things you will find out on WebMD and one of the two is always death. Anyway …

After I got a handle on that situation, it was time to visit my state of mind. Why was I depressed? Generally, I'm a happy chick. After a lot of thought over a quart of homemade banana pudding, I made a list of things that amounted to single mom problems, social media, unwanted booty calls, toxic and absent friendships and not having my family close.

All that added up to me feeling alone.

Once I identified the things getting me down, I made a plan. That plan was to fix myself. Yeah, so I know that doesn’t sound elaborate. Sometimes, the perfect plan is not a plan at all, but just taking care of things as a package deal - which is what I did. 

I kinda had to get real about taking care of myself from the inside out – which meant being a little selfish. I ended up cutting out everything negative, stressing and distressing. It meant more time with my daughter and trying to talk to my parents and brothers more. No more wasting time on people who threw up red flags like they were gang signs. There was no more social media – or at least, not as much. Because, as much as I didn’t want to admit it, the drama brought me down.

I know, right? I’m the drama queen!

Well, it’s been a few months and I’ve seen a huge difference. And now I’m looking forward to starting the Whole Life Challenge to see how much better I can be. I’d also like to see how close to having a defined physique I can get without having to stand next to someone who already has one.

Plus, as an added bonus, I’ll be doing it with my gym-mates. Having that support and encouragement and being able to offer it back will make this fun.