Thanks, McD's: Fancy, flavored coffee ... with a twist.

McDonald’s has a new menu item: flavored, iced coffees. I’m not big on iced anything and fancy coffees from fast food restaurants are like gas stations offering spa services – it’s just not right. But, I really wanted coffee and there wasn’t a coffee palace/java joint/caffeine heaven on my side of the 190. In my experience, regular coffee from any fast food place has always tasted bitter or burned, but if this is cold and flavored, how can it go wrong?
… in the grossest way possible.

So, there I was at the McDonald’s drive- thru ordering a hazelnut, iced coffee and plain biscuit. After inspecting my bag to make sure they gave me a straw, I continued driving to the office. Once I was sitting at the desk, I took out my biscuit. McDonald’s, known for their campaign for health and nutrition, decided I needed a more substantial breakfast. There was a sausage patty on my ‘plain’ biscuit. No biggie, I just took it off.

I decided to try the iced coffee. As I stuck the straw in the cup, I saw the only thing that would make me puke on sight wedged in the cap and lip of the cup – a short, black hair. Gross. I was so disappointed – and thirsty. I noticed the hair didn’t actually touch the coffee and for half a second, I thought about just taking it out. Touching it was out of the question; besides, what if I drop the hair and it sinks to the bottom? How will I prove there was a hair at all? D*** it.

I called McDonald’s and they said bring it in, they would replace it. Not really sure I wanted to get another one, I took my coffee back to McDonald’s.

“We are so sorry about that.” Because when you include everyone else in an apology, it somehow let’s people know you were definitely not the one who made the mistake. I really didn’t care. The hair was in it, I was grossed out and I wanted them to see it.

“Are you sure it isn’t your own hair?”

Blink, blink. Really?

“Honey, I haven’t had hair that short anywhere on my body since before I started shaving my naughty bits.”

Sometimes I can’t believe the stuff that comes out of my mouth. My fancy, flavored, coffee was free.