Workin' on my fitness

You know those people who love working out and are super disciplined and cannot get enough of being super fit? Yeah, I am not one of those people.

I dislike working out.

However, God did not bless me with a great set of skinny genes, so if I want to eat and still fit into my skinny jeans, I have to work out.  It’s not the exercising part that I dislike so much, it’s finding the time and energy – there are so many other things I want to be doing, the least of which is sweating in a gym, or my living room, for an hour a day. Plus, for me to stay interested in a routine, I need to see results – fast. For those of you who are die-hard fitness fanatics, you know it’s a gradual process and to stick with it, you need to be motivated which, as long as I fit into a size 3, I am not.

Unfortunately, I found motivation – I’m starting to jiggle in places that shouldn’t be moving and I failed the pencil test. That’s when you place a pencil underneath your ass cheek and if it holds, you got problems (the Boyfriend says that’s not a problem). So, for the past two months, I’ve made more of an effort to work out more. My problem now? Finding enough energy after eight hours of being at work to do any physical activity for an hour so I can have my own abs and buns of steel. So far, willpower has been doing the trick, but the other evening I needed some help.

That help came in the form of two pills.

If you’re 5’3/4” tall and less than 100 lbs, it’s probably not a good idea to take any kind of fat burner or energy pill that you find in your 6’1”, 210 pound boyfriend’s supplement cabinet. And you should definitely not take the required dosage. I was smart enough to figure that part out, but I still took 2/3 of the recommended dose a half-hour before my workout and –

Holy Mary, mother of Jesus I thought my heart was going to jump right out of my chest if I didn’t start moving – and I had to keep moving. It was the best workout ever and I didn’t even feel it. But I couldn’t stop moving, even after my workout. So, I worked out some more. Then I walked around in circles in my apartment. I danced, hopped, jittered and rocked. I couldn’t stop moving.

I was so tired but the effects of the pills were supposed to last for six hours – and at that point, I was only on hour two! Even when I was finally able to sit down for obligatory Facebook and blog time, I had to break for random body spasms, pushups and jogging in place which were immediately followed by hot flashes. And boy was I thirsty – I drank a half-gallon of water that I did not pee out. Taking a shower helped a little and I honestly don’t remember falling asleep, just the sound of my alarm waking me up out of my bed – of which I am not sure how I got into. I suspect my daughter had something to do with that.

Since my body didn’t remember going to sleep, I didn’t feel rested. And when I tried to get out of bed, my legs almost collapsed under me. Apparently, I worked out too hard. My muscles were sore and rebelling against any movement I was trying to make – and now I had to pee … bad. But I couldn’t get my legs to move fast enough, so I barely made it to the bathroom and when I collapsed on the toilet, it felt like someone slammed a cinder block into my ass cheeks. How was I going to sit down for eight hours of layout and design without crying?

Probably the better question would be, how was I going to stay awake and alert for that many hours – in one day?! I was going to need some serious energy …

No, I didn’t take any more pills, but I did drink a s*** ton of coffee which got me through work. Willpower got me through another workout during which my thighs, abs and glutes screamed at me to leave them alone in their serious voices. Yet, willpower prevailed. So, I don’t think I will be experimenting with any more of my boyfriend’s supplements – at least that’s the deal I made with my body.